You and me and Morgan Freeman Makes Three

This is the lesson we are learning in our home at this moment.  This meme and quote (scroll down) is what I shared with my eleven year old son this morning before he headed to his first Regional Archery Tournament.  He had to be at school to ride the bus to the tournament at 515am, which is an incredible feat for a middle school boy in and of itself.  He struggled to go to bed last night, not because of nerves, but because he is learning some truths about people at school he has considered friends for the past seven years.  He is having some trouble with friends and his obligation and loyalty toward them vs the fact that they have not much in common and aren't exactly good examples of what friends should be.  

He is in the middle of a major universal truth and experiencing the emotions that we all experience when we learn about true friendship.  It is so damn hard to watch him go through this and let him come to the proper conclusions for himself.  It is in our nature, as adults who have been through this, and more so as parents, to want to take the hurt away and comfort the child.  It is difficult to see them struggle and feel devastated and crushed and say things like, "my whole world is coming crashing down" and not be able to take that pain away.  As much as I want to say, "No baby.  Think about all the wonderful things and wonderful friends you have in your life.  Know that we will support you...blah blah blah" anything to minimize the pain he feels, it is more important that I LET HIM FEEL this.  It is in my nature to comfort, fix and take away the pain, but I am preparing him to become an adult who can manage his feelings at all costs and in all situations.  I will be the first to admit that it was the conversation with my husband (Daddy) about what I want to say versus what I don't need to say, that sparked the way we have chosen to handle the situation in real life, that helped most.  I am no good at checking my emotions at the door, he is better at that and keeps me in check much of the time when it comes to emotional encounters.  

He reminded me that even though you want to say something like, "you are a great kid who can make new friends"  OR "You feel this way because you are awesome and they suck." or whatever else you want to say to help minimize the feelings that are tearing him apart, it is more important that you DON'T say those things and let him feel.  Support his feeling sad, feeling disappointed, feeling inadequate, questioning someone's intentions and questioning things he has believed for a long time up until this moment.  It is more important, not to minimize the feelings, but to let him know that it is alright to FEEL.  It is going to be hard, it is going to feel bad at times but we will support you and you will make it through this.  You WILL get through all of these feelings and all of these feelings are OK and important for you to feel and learn how you will handle yourself once you get to the other side of them.

I know, my husband is so smart and strong sometimes!

So this morning as I sat next to Henry, trying to encourage him with his tournament today and feeding off of his super positive energy, the same energy that I get so annoyed with late in the evening when I don't understand exactly where he pulls it from after a long day, and I came across this.

I don't know who made this meme.  I don't know if Morgan Freeman approved of his likeness being put on this mantra at all, but despite the spelling errors that make me physically ill, the message is incredible and something I needed and am proud to share with my son as well.

You see, you have no control over what someone else says or does.  You only have control over how you react and handle what comes your way.  You only have control over YOU.  It is a lesson we all must learn, or unfortunately some never learn, and it is starting now for my middle school son.  How WE handle this situation sets the tone for how HE will determine and value his emotions now and later in his life.