Beautiful Boy - The Movie
This movie was one incredible experience and I highly recommend watching it. I was intrigued when I saw the trailer for the film for a couple of reasons. One was seeing Steve Carell in a serious role as opposed to the usual comedic roles he has played for years. Another is that the drug epidemic is so widespread and no one is immune from it's reach. I am the mother of a pre-teen boy and as much as I am trying and would like to think this will not happen to us, I am acutely aware that it could. I am very inspired by stories of resilience and recovery in the face of addiction and being that it runs in my genes, I am always interested when I see books or movies based on true stories of addiction.
This movie is based on the pair of memoirs written by Nic Sheff and his father, David Sheff and their journey through Nic's addiction to methamphetamine. I was nervous to watch it, despite wanting to see it, because I knew it would make me feel emotional. While this was true, it didn't hit me the way I had expected at all. I thought I would simply be so sad about the loss of innocence of this son as he fell into the depths of despair while his father kept reaching out to save him. Instead I was left with the feeling of resilience, fighting for life and love and the true power that addiction has over a life and family. Many times I was left feeling a "Wow" factor that I wasn't expecting.
At this point if you plan on watching the movie, STOP READING. I am going to talk about things in depth and I don't want to spoil it for you. If you stop reading, please COME BACK after you have watched the movie and enjoy my detailed account of what it meant to me.
I took plenty of notes while watching this film because there were so many things I wanted to remember and so many things that felt important in understanding this horrible process of watching your child suffer from an addiction that you have no control over. At one point someone asks Nic, "What is your problem?" and he responds with, "I'm an addict." The therapist then tells him, "No that is how you have been TREATING your problem." Insinuating that the addiction isn't the real problem at hand.
One thing I loved about the film is how seemingly the family vehicle, a Volvo station wagon, "grows up" alongside Nic. There are many scenes where you see the evolution of Nic growing up from a small child of about 6 to the preteen headbanging in the passenger seat, to the son who is being picked up by his father off the streets in a state of near overdose. All scenes taking place in the same vehicle, which was a poignant choice by the director in my opinion.
As far as the film though, the evolution of the addiction as well as Nic's growing up are marked by some important lessons. One being a scene when Nic says to his father that reality is so stupid and he cannot handle it and David asks him, "What is so stupid about reality?" The question is never answered but looms there as a way to make a point about how teens may feel that reality is this impossible task that they aren't equipped to handle at times.
It was very touching that throughout the film Steve Carell's character continues to research and find experts and even gets high on meth once, just to try to figure out what is going on with his son and how he can help him. Part of this seemed to be a way to keep hope alive that Nic would recover and live a healthy life. If that isn't the mark of love from a father to a son, the many hours spent just trying to gather as much information as possible about addiction, the drug and treatment, than I don't know what is.
During a stint in rehab Nic actually says to his father, "Going back just seems too far a journey." This to me is part of the epidemic that keeps many people from getting the help they need or the help they know they need. Going back to the drug, the lifestyle, is easier for them than facing what it is they are actually suffering from.
There is an interaction between them in a diner that was almost too much for my heart to bear and I am certain those types of interactions are many when you are dealing with an addict who just isn't ready to stop using. Realizing that no matter what YOU do, YOU cannot make the change and YOU are not enough when someone doesn't have the love of self to want to fight for a better life for themselves seems that it is the hardest part of dealing with addiction, especially for a parent who is used to getting their child the things they need in life.
There were some specifics about addiction and meetings that I noticed in the film as well. One was a scene with a mother talking about her child who had overdosed. In it she said that her being dead was the most reassuring thing that had happened because she had been living in daily fear of when she would get the call that her daughter was gone. She pinpointed it as parents who had been "mourning the living" for so long in anticipation of their death, because of the fact that the addiction had taken the person they knew and loved away a long time ago.
On the wall, at the NA meeting there was poster:
I didn't Cause it
I can't Control it
I can't Cure it
The fact that I have a son, a "Beautiful Boy" of my own was not lost on me throughout the entire film. When David has to tell Nic goodbye at the airport, when he is a very young boy headed to see his mother, he kneels in front of him and says,
"Everything. I love you more than...Everything.
What I feel for you is...Everything."
This absolutely captures how we parents feel about our children from the moment we are blessed with them. There is no real way to capture in words how much we love them, but I would like to think this is about as close as you could put it into words to attempt to explain it.
If you aren't aware, "Beautiful Boy" is a song that was written by John Lennon after having his son Sean. It begins with John comforting his son when he wakes from a nightmare, something we all do as parents with young children. Follow the link for lyrics and to hear the song.
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