I Miss Great Grandma Henry

The other night, after Jon and I tucked the kids into bed for the night, I heard footsteps on the stairs.  I was filled with dread, because most nights I barely make it to tuck in because I am so dang tired, so when they come back downstairs I have very little patience.  I am waiting to see which kid rounds the corner into our room and I see that it is Henry and he has been crying.

Immediately my Mom instinct kicks in and I put my arms out and ask him,
"What's wrong bud?"  and he immediately comes right into my arms and says,
"I miss Great Grandma Henry" and starts sobbing into my chest.  I have no idea what brought this one or what made him start to think about her.  I let him cry for a few and he finally tells me that he was using one of the prayer cards from her funeral as a bookmark.  On this particular night, when he got the bookmark out of his book to continue reading, he decided to read the prayer card and it just hit the right emotions that day and made him start to think about her and how he misses her.

Often with parenting you are not fully prepared or at least you have no "ahead of time plan" for these kinds of moments and even though you know that what you say is crucial, you are still not ready for the talk you are going to have.  I was not ready but I sure as heck pretended like I was.
The first thing I did was pull up my favorite picture of her on my phone, to share with him.

I asked him if he knew why this picture was my favorite.  Of course he didn't so I got to tell him.  This was my last great visit with grandma and you can see she is in the hospital.  They told us it was the end, they didn't think she would be with us much longer.  This was July 2018.  My Dad was making a last minute trip to be with her and his siblings as they prepared for some end of the life decisions.  I asked if I could go with him, to see her myself and to be there for him.  My Dad and I made the trip to Michigan, just the two of us, prepared to stay as long as we needed in order to help my Aunt who was her caretaker at home.  They told us she was very confused, she wasn't really eating and she probably wouldn't know who we were.  There was something though about Grandma, that even in the deep throes of her dementia, when her four children were in the room together, it brought her back.  There is no way to explain it, but she just needed the four of them together and when they were all there, she was too. 

So, this particular moment was right after we asked her about "Forrest Gump."  All you had to do was mention Forrest Gump and she'd say, in her best hill billy voice, "Run Forrest, Run" and then she would laugh hysterically.  It was so cute and that is what was happening in this picture, which is why I am laughing so hard.

Then I told Henry about a few more moments during this visit where Grandma said some funny comments and she truly seemed like she was with us in her mind so strong during that visit.  I am forever grateful that I had that visit and that road trip with my Dad.  Henry shared some laughs about Grandma's sense of humor and it was good for him too.  

Then I told him something I'd struggled for years to put words to about her.  She was the kind of person that people just wanted to be around.  My Mom and my Aunt (both only family of hers by marriage) used to share stories about how a Friday night would come and they would just head over there to talk with her.  She always made them feel welcomed and loved.  She was funny and they just loved her company and she loved theirs.  That was the type of person she was and my Grandpa too.  The kind of people who made your life better and more fun.  The kind of people who you just wanted to be around and you wanted in your life because of how they made YOU feel.  I told him, 

"I'd like to hope and think I am like her in that way.  I like to think that the ability she had to make everyone feel like family and to make everyone feel welcome, is something she shared with me and that I do the very same thing."  Henry is 12, but he got it. 

He was all done crying at this point and had even had some laughs with me when he looked at me and said,

"Thanks Mom."  He hugged me and went back to bed for the night.  

After he left, I was a mess.  I hadn't been thinking about her that evening, but now I was for sure.  All I could think after he went up to bed was, "I miss her too buddy.  I do too."